Zombie!

I've just slept a couple of hours each of these previous 2 nights.There may be a motley of reasons & I don't know which one is keeping me awake
> The baby kicking.
>Frequent need to go to the loo
>Hunger Pangs & Dry throat syndrome
or is it
> the visiting relatives who are sleeping in my bedroom with me instead of my husband.
> due to the times that the disjointed family is forced to spend together due to the visiting relatives .
Whatever it is, I am totally smashed out. Any tips on how I can get my mind to relax enough to catch a few winks??

I am ashamed!!

.......that I did not stand up for what I believe in!!
The other day while we were with some of Abhi's friends, a particular one asked me as to why I do not put Bindi & Sindoor all the time? I was so angry from inside but all I managed to say was that it is not a tradition in my house & even my MIL does not wear them all the time. Then he asked me very cunningly that is it not a tradition to even wear a chain in my neck & all I could muster was that I get an allergy in summers, so I avoid it. The truth however is that I wear what I like & I do not feel the compulsion to deck myself with particular items of jewellery or make-up just because of my marital status. But I am such a weakling !! I am ashamed. I should have told him to mind his own business & that how has he changed his appearance to reflect his marital status.I just wanted to get it out of my system & bashed up this guy verbally when I was alone with hubby. I don't know how his wife tolerates him!! I pity her, really!
Why is it that I just run out of the right words when I need them the most? Does it happen to you?

hubby

It's insane how hubby has the ability to sulk for days after a fight !! I always thought that should be the forte of women!
Be careful dear. I might just start enjoying the mental independence that this sulk gives me.

Rant!!

Myself & SIL do not get along. We are not in talking terms with each other. This is a source of constant tension in the house. But I never thought that this would spill over to our parents. No matter what differences we might have, I never thought that because of those differences, either one of us would disrespect each other's parents.
My father came home the other day for dinner. My SIL & BIL did not take the trouble of coming out of their room to even wish him properly. I did not expect my SIL to serve him dinner or tea. I am quite capable of doing that myself. But the least one can expect is that they would wish him & ask him how he was. At least they should learn from how we behave when her parents come over. I know that even if things take the turn for the worst, at least I would not stoop to their levels & disrespect a guest in my house.
I did not want to let things be. I took the matter up with MIL who defended them tooth & nail, saying that BIL would have just returned from work & must have been tired. Now, how can one be tired enough to get up from the bed & come to the door of his room where my dad stood asking them how they were. MIL even said that SIL was having a headache. Oh well, we all know how bad headaches can be !!!
Sorry for the Rant guys. Just could not hold back.

I am SPECIAL!!

~ I have given the right to a lot of people to hurt me. People for whom I do not matter at all but who matter a lot to me. Why is it that I crave for so much more from the insensitive? No one can hurt u if u don't allow them to.
~ Today a dear one asked "What's so special about you?". Well, everything is special about me. Just the fact that I am emotional about your point of view is what is special about me. I am special & just because u say otherwise does not change a thing!!
~The fact that I had to reconfirm the fact that you said what you said , is what is special about me. The fact that I thought that u were incapable of such a question, is what is special about me!! ~When u r in trouble, u look to me to support u & I do give that to you, without asking questions. That's what is special about me!!
~When all the others u r pitting me against increase & multiply your woes , I subtract & divide them. I just wished u could get this simple mathematics right!!

What is the point?

.....of calling a family a "joint family"
.......when you find at 9:30pm Mil's flat locked & u have no idea where she has gone & u were with her just 15 minutes back & she did not mention anything.
Later when you ask in the morning, you are told that they(MIL with her younger son & bahu) impromptu decided that they wanted to eat out.
Fine.
I've never had experience of living in a joint family but even my common sense tells me that this is not how it is supposed to be.
You would think that by now I should have become immune to these things.
But it still hurts.So much so that u r not able to sleep at night thinking about the whys & hows of the situation.

Educating kids, a woman's job?

Today was a parent's meet at Ansh's school in preparation for the sports day on 18th January. Since I had a meeting scheduled in the morning, Abhi attended the meeting & he was the only dad amongst a sea of moms in the class. He felt uncomfortable & was in an irritable mood when I talked to me. I argued with him that there was nothing to feel uncomfortable about but he said that all the ladies were chit-chatting & he felt completely out of place. Of course, I would have been uncomfortable too in such a setting. Granted that most women out there must be housewives & so it was more convenient for them to attend rather than the dads. But had it been a holiday at work, I am sure the situation must have been pretty much the same.
Why is it a woman's job to take care of the kids education? Right from getting them ready for school to supervising homeworks? It's been the same for ages. I don't remember my dad ever attending my school meetings. When we were in lower classes, he was once confused about what class I studied in.
Ansh does not get any homework from school. This month we've re-started his drawing lessons with another teacher & she does give some homework. I have realised that I really suck at getting Ansh to do homework. I have no patience & end up shouting at him. I know it'll be very difficult when Ansh goes to higher classes. I have never wanted my kid to have a tutor. I hate this "tution" trend & have always wanted to teach my kids on my own. I either need some coaching myself or I have to change myself big time to cultivate the patience to sit through homeworks. I know Abhi will be of little help & he has made this very clear to me.
How do u all manage with homeworks ?

Society's Injustice!

I think sometimes that women were better off in their old roles of running the house & not having the extra pressure like today to go out there & earn & be independent PLUS do all the other stuff that women are traditionally SUPPOSED to do.
Today, I earn & am financially independent & can support my family in the hours of need. I earn enough to hire help at home so that after a tired day at work I do not have to slog away in the kitchen to put a meal up for the family & make sure that the house in spik & span.
I am not a superwoman & neither do I want to be one. I am just a normal woman who likes a relaxed evening with her son & husband after a hard day's work.
But I can see the disapproval in the eyes of people around me, relatives & friends.
I am so glad to have a husband & in-laws who understand & support this and that's where I get the courage from to stand up against this disapproving society.
I say I do not give a damn but it bothers me nonetheless.

Tests my patience.......

Yes, Ansh really does that & it has usually to do with food. Today morning he refused to have the pasta we made for him , though it had been prepared after taking his preference the previous night. So, i shouted at him, & he cried & made me feel miserable . Though, Ansh was OK in a little while & forgot abt the shouting after he was offered his favourite Act-2 popcorns instead of the pasta, I have been feeling bad throughout the day.
I just want to go home & give him a hug & say sorry. But I also know that whenever he does this again, I'll still shout & spoil my day.
Counting to 10 does not work for me, especially when there is never a single day when someone in the family or otherwise does not remind me about how thin Ansh looks & that I should take better care of him. I feel like just walking off. How dare they tell mothers whose entire lives revolve around their children that they should take better care of them.Instead of making blank statements, they should suggest what changes I can make to take better care of my family.
Is it just because we are working mothers & hence looked upon as less "caring"?